Once again I come to you to talk about lockdown. Actually I realise that I already mentioned my lack of actual progress in any of my goals during lockdown. So forget it.

Anyway, this will be instead a message for you.

Yes, you!

Hang in there.

One day we will all of us look back and say ‘That was crazy and a lot of it was awful and exhausting and so on. But now look, we are all ok again.’

Probably!

I just hope that the bears don’t use this opportunity to take over the planet. You can’t trust bears.

So watch out for bears and certainly if one knocks on your door and says they need to borrow a cup of sugar, or that they just want to borrow a dollar to catch the bus downtown to pick up their cub from preschool, do NOT open the door. Pretend you’re not home. …


I wanted to call this, ‘On the nature of reality’ but that sounds like a thesis or something. This is not any such thing. It’s only my thoughts, like about 80% of everything else on the Internet (and in a lot of academic writings too, although we are encouraged not to notice this passing of opinion as fact by those in authority and we want to use their writings as facts and footnotes in our lives and in our essays). We tend to ascribe authenticity to other people’s thoughts and opinions far too easily. …


I just realised, while writing my previous entry, that yes, my Autism is invisible. So I changed my blog name for the third time, haha…

It is something that high functioning Autistics (or people on the Spectrum) have as their perhaps biggest problem.

We don’t seem like we are Autistic.

So!

That means that when things don’t go according to the usual, the confusion and poor reactions of those around us make us feel worse and often we don’t react well to their reaction, which merely serves to escalate the situation.

This is the main reason why this year, for the first time in 12 years of knowing (and hiding it), I have been informing future employers, and a few other people of my Aspergers Syndrome. …


I don’t want or need to embrace my Autism or be proud of it.

It is just a thing I have to put up with, like being shorter than average height.

It is like having poor eyesight. There are few benefits, and it irritates me to see people going on about Autism like it makes me more special or interesting. That is the spin that people take lately. Fine, good for you for being positive.

I don’t feel positive or negative. It’s just a thing. It is a disability really, because it affects my ability to do things that neurotypical people can do. But I don’t really consider it a disability for myself because I am able to live a fairly normal, if somewhat reclusive, life. Of course, being high-functioning has it’s pluses and minuses (e.g. …


I want to help people in need.

But I feel as if I can’t do anything. I am unemployed, I have no useful connections to anyone powerful.

I have not a lot of money.

I want to bring lasting change by helping someone in a way that helps them to help themselves, instead of just handing out food.

So I try to save money to give a goat or clean water to someone in a non-western country at Christmas. Through a non-governmental organisation (NGO).

But I would like very much to be able to help people every day.

And I would prefer to help people in my own country, because it is not really the responsibility of an unemployed person in a far away country to help someone thousands of miles away in a large country which has wealthy leaders who should be helping their own citizens. That was a long sentence, sorry. …


Perhaps I could write a series of articles (Ha - not articles really, just journal entries. Articles require research and knowledge), on my thoughts as a person on the Autism Spectrum about certain topics.

Like death.

Let’s start with ‘Being Autistic…’

Since that is probably the point of this blog?

Very well then. Being Autistic, I wonder if my ideas about death are different to that of non-Autistic people’s views.

Warning: This may upset you if you are not comfortable thinking of death or corpses. So don’t continue if you can’t handle it.

If you can’t handle thinking of death, it’s okay. …


……

I need to start keeping a journal again.

That’s all.

Have a great day,

God Bless


I had a schedule. I stuck to it for about 4 hours. So good job, me!

I am the kind of person who doesn’t like to go out anyway, so the lockdown here in my country which is quite severe, hasn’t affected me too much. The police have had to turn holidaymakers away from our town because of the Easter holiday break. But aside from that, it has been a little frustrating but that’s all. The supermarket queues SUCK though.

There hasn’t been a moment where I changed as a person during this time of isolation. I paid for a couple of online lessons in art and design, on Domestika. I love that site. …


I am not exactly average, because of my Autism.

However I have always wanted to be average, and have spent a longer time than I would care to think about trying to accept that I am not that special.

My mother told me quite early on that I’m different, special, and slightly better than my peers at school.

This is was her overcompensating for my constant suffering at the hands of bullies. She thought that if she convinced me that I was smarter than my peers, then I wouldn’t care what they said or what they thought of me.

However, this only made me feel frustrated and confused. I wasn’t an ‘A’ student. Although I was ahead of the others in English (especially since my reading age was that of a 30 year old when I was 11), I was behind, very behind in maths and science. So I knew that I wasn’t smarter. …


Well, I was worried as to whether or not I passed the celta, and I have passed. I have the certificate to teach English as a Second Language. So that’s a relief!

On the down side, I didn’t get a job even though I moved to another city specifically to apply to a particular school. An employee of that school told me they were looking for someone and would want me because of my qualification, but when I went to an interview, nothing came of it.

I hate it when a person tells you that yes, you are on their books, that they will allow you to come and observe to learn about the job but then change their mind. …

About

Invisible Autism

Won the ‘being born on the Autism Spectrum’ lottery, working on what is neurotypical and what isn’t. I’m not American, don’t always understand their culture.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store